Thursday, June 2, 2016

Finding My Path Part 2

If you have not already, please read part one of this blog post HERE

I had come down from the high of hosting this gaming event and the fact that I ended up working with some well-known individuals in the gaming community and it all starts to go to my head. I couldn't stop thinking of ways to promote things or make changes in the gaming and YouTube industry. I was getting caught up in the fact that I could make money doing live-streaming and YouTube. I spent everyday checking my Twitter feed, my video views, and was constantly seeking the attention of others.



I get frustrated when I work so hard at producing content and coming up with ideas I think are great and I have nothing to show for it. I ended up realizing that not only was I putting too much emphasis on fame and fortune, but I was pushing myself away from those I cared about and I felt miserable. I realized that I had tried to be something and I could keep trying to do it, but there was no sense in trying to force it to happen and my time would be better spent pursuing life-long dreams instead of fleeting hopes that arose from 100 people watching a YouTube video I put out.

I was watching an episode of Modern Family, funnily enough, when I received some counsel that I'm sure had been delivered my way in many forms, but I did not seem to receive until I watched this:



Sometimes you try to be good at something that just doesn't fit. You try so hard to be something that you ultimately cannot do. It may be that some day will be a better time where you can become the best at the activity or job. It may also be that you tried and now you know it just won't ever work for you.

Now I don't mean to sound super depressing, but isn't it a fact of life that everyone is so individually different from one another? To that I would say "rightfully so."

I learned very early on in film, that as much as I love learning about directing, editing, producing, etc., it is not feasible for me to be the best I can be if I try to do all of these things at once. I realized that Joe may be great at editing, so let him focus on that skill while I narrow down the skill I want to focus on. Some people are cut out for different things, which is honestly one of the greatest things about being human. Someone out there really enjoys being able to help counsel families in times of grief. I am not sure I could do that, so I am very glad that someone else not only wants to do that, but is very successful at it.

Getting back on point, the message I received that day was this:

"Josh,

You may be good at broadcasting media and putting together a great production, but video game streaming and YouTubing is not really your thing. You can enjoy this as a hobby every once and a while, but this isn't something you focus large amounts of time on when you could be furthering other aspects of your life."

I cannot tell you how hard it was to hear and come to terms with that thought. I wished that I could make money full-time by streaming videos and providing content on YouTube channels, but when it came down to it, I wasn't really progressing to my end goal: producing for film. However, this realization helped me to better focus on others and not become so consumed by my public status. It helped me redirect myself back onto the path of achieving my real passions and pursuits of film and ultimately helped me to be a better individual, husband, and father.



During this whole process, Ashley was super supportive, both of my passion to work on small projects like streaming and YouTube, and ultimately deciding not to do any of that anymore. I do not feel necessarily that our marriage was strained by this, however I can say that our marriage was definitely strengthened with the end decision and mindset that came from deciding to reorient myself.

These installments will probably continue from time to time, as I am still experiencing the journey on the way to my career in film. There is still more that I wish to talk about and I will create more entries as I feel like processing/evaluating my life events.


No comments:

Post a Comment