I love Easter. It's always been a fun holiday to me, but growing up and especially since Matthew died, it holds a special significance.
Our Savior suffered the Atonement for us. He suffered pains, sickness, temptations and trials of every kind, all because of His pure, insanely deep love for us. He died for us. So that as He lives, even now, we can also live in eternity.
We talked about the Atonement a lot at church today, and as I listened to the messages and the discussions, I thought about how I feel about my children as their mother. I know that every pain, sorrow, discomfort, trial, everything they will have to face in life, I would willfully take that upon myself for their sake. And I know that so many of the trials I face in my own life, I am glad to have experienced so that I will know how to be there for my children if they go through similar experiences.
Guys, this is what the Atonement is. Christ suffered for us, because He loves us. He loves the crap out of us. Pardon me if that's an irreverent way to say it. I just know that we can't even comprehend how much He loves us, and knowing how much I love my own family, that must be like... SO. MUCH. LOVE.
And because He rose from the grave after three days and conquered death, we will also one day be resurrected and live forever with Him and those we love.
Because of Him, I'll get to be with my family forever.
And because of Him, I'll see my sweet Matthew again. Nothing brings me greater hope in this life than that knowledge.
I am so grateful for my Savior. I know He suffered for me. I know He died for me. I know if I was the only one He was saving, He would still do it. And I know the same applies to every person I meet (and I try to always remember that).
...I don't mean to take away from speaking of such an important, sacred topic, but... I don't know how to smoothly transition to posting pictures of my cute babies in their Easter clothes. (I'm not really a writer).
But here they are:
That last one is actually the most accurate picture of the afternoon. At least one of them was almost always crying while I tried to get a good shot. Luckily we got some good ones in the end. :)
I just want to say again how grateful I am for Jesus Christ and the Atonement. I am so grateful for my family. I am blessed more than I deserve. But then, aren't we all?
On Sunday we finally took the twins to church to be blessed. We didn't invite all the extended family we each have in the area, because we didn't want to make it into a huge event (plus our apartment can only hold so many people afterwards!). People in the ward were so excited to see them, and I have to say, I sure am proud to be their mother!
The twins are wearing our old blessing outfits. <3
Josh and the twins with Josh's grandparents.
The twins got so loved on!
And after church and getting fed, some cuddles before nap time. :)
It was a really special experience to hear my husband blessing our sweet babies. There are few things sweeter. <3
Sometimes with journal entries and blog posts, I don't really know where to start other than right now:
These past few months have been interesting at the least.
^It has been a long recovery since the loss of Matthew
I was without work for a bit, but I'm now working 2 jobs.
We found out we're pregnant with twins!
Ashley's brother, Cody, recently got married <3
We also got to visit Indiana:
my brother Nick, standing face-to-face with a tiger
I just finished up with a job teaching summer school (Physical Science) at the same school where I was hired earlier in the year to be an after-school film teacher. Teaching at Independence High School here in Provo has helped me realize again that I really want to be able to teach and help others achieve the dreams they have. There is nothing more rewarding to me than seeing someone become who they've always dreamed about becoming.
Teaching outline for after-school film class at Independence High
I've changed majors yet again to essentially become a high school industrial tech teacher. I am still going into film, but this is just another route to doing that and gaining a teaching degree. There are thoughts that maybe I'm just trying to take the easier route to getting out of college the quickest, but I also found out that a Journalism major with a Broadcasting emphasis, was not for me. I'd be writing journalism articles for the next 3 years, all just to get practical experience in a television studio for a semester or two. That was not for me.
Inside the BYUtv Truck during a football game
With the Technology and Engineering Education degree, I'll learn CAD, a 3D Imaging program, wood and metal working, which will give me lots of prop-making and set-building experience to pull from in my years as a producer. Plus, like I said, I'll get a teaching degree as well, when I retire from the film/television industry and teach. Having made that decision, I still feel like I doubt myself and the paths I'm choosing for education.
Ethan being goofy
Having Ethan, my brother, here in Utah while pursuing an acting career, has really helped me to see that it really is okay to set aside all the things you think people want you to be in order to do whatever it is you've dreamed about doing, regardless if it makes sense or not. Part of that this summer for me has involved me really delving into the video game community as a content creator. I've been busy using my YouTube channel to upload podcasts, tutorials, or factual videos about video games.
Ashley and I realized that I needed to do something to keep my creative juices flowing. It's great for me to consistently have a creative outlet, so that I don't get bored or drained from the mundane of everyday life. I remembered my roommate pointing out to me a while back that I would want to start all these really cool film or creative projects and actually never pursue or follow-through with any of them and that's what got me going. So that motivated me to actually set out and do something.
I've been super busy and passionate about the streams, podcasts, events, and videos I put out. I've had to become super active on Twitter, which is something I was trying to avoid until I got into production on something bigger than my personal stuff, but it has brought a lot of success with it, although I hate having to feel like I have to check it to stay up-to-date on what's going on with collaborators, colleagues, and news thats happening in the areas where I'm creating and promoting content. Summary: Twitter is a necessary evil of being in the entertainment biz.
I recently did a gaming event online, where gamers got together and did activities that promoted the positive environments, experiences, and opportunities that video games can give people in their lives. I got a lot of response from several big names, some of whom I didn't think to ever hear from. It wasn't by accident that all this was happening to me as I was making sure that I had my spiritual priorities in order. I'd always known that if I put the Lord first in all that I did, especially in how I start my days (meaningful prayer, scripture study, meditation, etc.) I would be blessed in my other efforts, especially my aspirations in life. I knew that this success was a direct blessing from those improvements I was trying to make in my life. These people wouldn't have responded to some no-name content creator had it not been for some heavenly assistance, to which I am utterly grateful for.
Let me lead you now into the next part of my thoughts on where I'm going in life and these blog posts:
I'm starting to grasp the flow of my day-to-day life, how it should be and what I should be doing. I'm learning what takes priority and what amount of time I can and should dedicate to each good, better, or best aspect of my life that I'm currently focusing on. I see improvement, yet doubt, worry, depression and anxiety start to creep in and I doubt again where I am headed in life and if I've just wasted months and looking back years of my life.
It finally feels like the summer is moving along. I wouldn't normally have any good feelings about that, but I've been taking a couple of classes this summer and I just finished them up. So now we have the last couple of weeks of August to enjoy only working before school starts up again. That plus we don't have air conditioning, so while our efforts to keep our place cool using fans and a portable swamp cooler have definitely helped, let's just say we're looking forward to cooler weather. (Let me be clear: I am excited for FALL weather, not winter. Josh might feel differently, but I still don't fare well in the freezing cold.)
This weekend Josh and I made a trip up to Idaho for a couple of days to visit my Nana and Poppy. We wish Trevin and Kim could've come with us, but that was poor planning on our part and it didn't work out... this time. Josh and I drove up REALLY late on Thursday night, arriving at Nana and Poppy's house around 4:30 am. I know the day will come when we won't be able to handle that, but I'm grateful that right now we're able to make such a late trip. :) The next morning we all took their boat out to the lake. It was beautiful!
Nana started off the day with skiing. I am constantly so impressed by how active, hard-working, and fun-loving she is! I want to be that fit and fun when I'm her age. :)
Go Nana!
After a few tries Josh got up on water-skis for the first time! I was so proud to see him out on the water. ^^ I took a turn later as well; I've tried my hand at water-skiing a couple of times before, but I never do stay up on the water for very long. It was fun though. :) By the time we got home that evening, we were low on sleep and exhausted from being in the sun all day, so Josh and I crashed until dinner, and that night we welcomed bed time when it came.
Loving being out on the lake together!
On Saturday Josh and I went to the Boise Temple. We both used to go there pretty often when we were missionaries, but neither of us have been back to that one since then. They renovated it after both of us had left the mission, and let me just say, going back this time the temple looks absolutely beautiful. Not to mention, the Provo Temple has - until this past week - been closed for about a month and a half, and we haven't made any trips to other temples during that time. It was so wonderful to be able to make time to visit the House of the Lord. It is always such a peaceful place, and the Spirit of the Lord is always there. It really helped me feel closer to my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, closer to my sweet husband, and to have a renewed perspective about my life. I love the Gospel and the peace it brings to my life!!
So happy together :)
If going to the temple with the love of my life wasn't enough to make a wonderful day (which, by the way, it totally was), that night we all went to my cousins' birthday party. Two adorable twin girls turning one together! It was so cute to see them, and I just loved spending time with family.
Unfortunately we only had a couple of days in Idaho and this morning we left to come back to Provo. The trip was too short but definitely worth it. :) And now we'll enjoy our last bit of summer before school starts again!
