Ten Year Anniversary

Ten years ago today Josh and I got married. It's crazy to think of where our lives have taken us since then. I don't think we could've predicted much of it haha!

How it started:

How it's going:

A lot can happen in ten years, good and bad. Sometimes it feels like we go through hell, sometimes it feels like we're stuck, and sometimes we step back and see the good times and the magic.

The hard:
- Stillbirth
- Unemployment
- Mental health struggles
- Kidney stones
- Infertility
- Financial strain
- Suicide attempt
- Seizure
- Worker's comp fights
- Hospital visits (& bills)

The good:

- Visiting Harry Potter World

- Seeing Wicked
- College graduation

- Having twins
- Seeing the Grand Canyon

- Visiting each other's families

- Family snuggles

- The every day smiles and laughter
- Being there for each other when it's hard

- Being married to my best friend

Our lives have been a lot sometimes, but there is no one I would rather be with through all of it than Josh. He picks me up when I'm down, he laughs at my stupid jokes (usually ;) and makes me laugh, he nerds out with me, he is warm and compassionate, he is smart and talented, and he is my person.

And in honor of our tenth anniversary, I picked a couple songs to share some lyrics from ♥

"You and I
Happy ending and a tragedy combined
But we both can't live without it and we tried
We should take our own advice

Don't give up
There's a mountain in the middle of the road
It'll take a little longer to get home
Baby all we've got is time

You can't help when your stomach sinks
See your life happen in a flash
In your head it could be so real
That you almost feel the crash
The panic is temporary
But I'll be permanent
So when it hits, don't forget
As scary as it gets
It's just turbulence"

- Turbulence, Pink


"Can't count the years on one hand
That we've been together
I need the other one to hold you
Make you feel, make you feel better
It's not a walk in the park
To love each other
But when our fingers interlock
Can't deny, can't deny you're worth it

Cause after all this time, I'm still into you

I should be over all the butterflies
But I'm into you
And baby even on our worst nights
I'm into you
Let 'em wonder how we got this far
Cause I don't really need to wonder at all
Yeah after all this time
I'm still into you"

- Still Into You, Paramore



I love you with my whole heart Josh, and I'm never gonna stop. ♥

Love,

Ashley

Finding My Path

Finding my Path - Part 1


Sometimes with journal entries and blog posts, I don't really know where to start other than right now:

These past few months have been interesting at the least.

^It has been a long recovery since the loss of Matthew

I was without work for a bit, but I'm now working 2 jobs.

We found out we're pregnant with twins!

Ashley's brother, Cody, recently got married <3

We also got to visit Indiana:

my brother Nick, standing face-to-face with a tiger

I just finished up with a job teaching summer school (Physical Science) at the same school where I was hired earlier in the year to be an after-school film teacher. Teaching at Independence High School here in Provo has helped me realize again that I really want to be able to teach and help others achieve the dreams they have. There is nothing more rewarding to me than seeing someone become who they've always dreamed about becoming.

Teaching outline for after-school film class at Independence High

I've changed majors yet again to essentially become a high school industrial tech teacher. I am still going into film, but this is just another route to doing that and gaining a teaching degree. There are thoughts that maybe I'm just trying to take the easier route to getting out of college the quickest, but I also found out that a Journalism major with a Broadcasting emphasis, was not for me. I'd be writing journalism articles for the next 3 years, all just to get practical experience in a television studio for a semester or two. That was not for me.

Inside the BYUtv Truck during a football game

With the Technology and Engineering Education degree, I'll learn CAD, a 3D Imaging program, wood and metal working, which will give me lots of prop-making and set-building experience to pull from in my years as a producer. Plus, like I said, I'll get a teaching degree as well, when I retire from the film/television industry and teach. Having made that decision, I still feel like I doubt myself and the paths I'm choosing for education.

Ethan being goofy

Having Ethan, my brother, here in Utah while pursuing an acting career, has really helped me to see that it really is okay to set aside all the things you think people want you to be in order to do whatever it is you've dreamed about doing, regardless if it makes sense or not. Part of that this summer for me has involved me really delving into the video game community as a content creator. I've been busy using my YouTube channel to upload podcasts, tutorials, or factual videos about video games.

Ashley and I realized that I needed to do something to keep my creative juices flowing. It's great for me to consistently have a creative outlet, so that I don't get bored or drained from the mundane of everyday life. I remembered my roommate pointing out to me a while back that I would want to start all these really cool film or creative projects and actually never pursue or follow-through with any of them and that's what got me going. So that motivated me to actually set out and do something.

I've been super busy and passionate about the streams, podcasts, events, and videos I put out. I've had to become super active on Twitter, which is something I was trying to avoid until I got into production on something bigger than my personal stuff, but it has brought a lot of success with it, although I hate having to feel like I have to check it to stay up-to-date on what's going on with collaborators, colleagues, and news thats happening in the areas where I'm creating and promoting content. Summary: Twitter is a necessary evil of being in the entertainment biz.

I recently did a gaming event online, where gamers got together and did activities that promoted the positive environments, experiences, and opportunities that video games can give people in their lives. I got a lot of response from several big names, some of whom I didn't think to ever hear from. It wasn't by accident that all this was happening to me as I was making sure that I had my spiritual priorities in order. I'd always known that if I put the Lord first in all that I did, especially in how I start my days (meaningful prayer, scripture study, meditation, etc.) I would be blessed in my other efforts, especially my aspirations in life. I knew that this success was a direct blessing from those improvements I was trying to make in my life. These people wouldn't have responded to some no-name content creator had it not been for some heavenly assistance, to which I am utterly grateful for.

Let me lead you now into the next part of my thoughts on where I'm going in life and these blog posts:

I'm starting to grasp the flow of my day-to-day life, how it should be and what I should be doing. I'm learning what takes priority and what amount of time I can and should dedicate to each good, better, or best aspect of my life that I'm currently focusing on. I see improvement, yet doubt, worry, depression and anxiety start to creep in and I doubt again where I am headed in life and if I've just wasted months and looking back years of my life.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Summer is Here!

I feel like a lot has happened since my last post, and I'm just hoping I can remember what to talk about here! Guess I'll just try to hit the highlights.

Josh and I have been wanting to go back to the Bountiful Temple for a while, since that's where we got married and we haven't been back since then. So back in the beginning of March we finally made out it there, only to discover it was closed for maintenance or something. Dang it! So we wandered around outside the temple for a bit, trying to make the best of it, and when we started heading back, we found the TARDIS in someone's driveway...

So obviously we had to take pictures with it! (With the owners' permission, of course.)

Hottie, am I right?

Josh was a Doctor Who fan before me, but I had wanted to watch it for some time and finally started up toward the end of last year. I. LOVE. IT. So obviously we both freaked out a little bit when we happened upon this gem. :)

Even though we couldn't go to the Bountiful Temple like we planned, we still wanted to make a date night out of it. So we stopped in Salt Lake and visited the Capitol Building. It was really cool!

Let me just say, I LOVE these buildings!

April had quite a bit of awesomeness. As the semester was ending, we went to Salt Lake Comic Con FanX. It was a surprise for Josh, but it was a dream come true for me. I seriously was so excited about it that I started crying when we got there. (Josh was really concerned, but I was just happy! :) It was pretty amazing. Mostly we just wandered around, looking at the different vendors and things. Just looking at the cool merchandise and awesome cosplays was so fun. We had a really great time. I also got one of my Firefly discs signed by Adam Baldwin. SO. AWESOME.

Josh with Master Chief!

This R2D2 was so legit! Someone was remote controlling it. :)

Not the best picture, but someone was walking around in this really sweet costume.

We also celebrated our first Easter together! It wasn't much, but it was fun! Most of the candy was saved from what my mom sent us for Easter, along with the plastic eggs and grass. We found the baskets at D.I. for dirt cheap, and the couple gifts in each basket were from the dollar store. Success!

Proof that we dyed eggs before promptly turning them into deviled eggs! :P

Wearing my new Easter dress! And Josh wore his pink bow tie for Easter, because, let's be honest... bow ties are cool. ;)

Then at the end of April, we took a trip with Trevin and Kim up to Idaho and stayed with Nana and Poppy. It's so fun to see them! School had just ended and we all took a few days off from work and everything. It was such a nice break, and much needed. While we were there, Josh and I saw Wicked with Nana and Poppy. We decided this would be our first anniversary present. :) I've wanted to see Wicked so badly for some time, and I was not disappointed. It. Was. AMAZING.

It's gonna happen!

Similar to what happened at Comic Con, I cried at Wicked just out of sheer joy and excitement; during the production, I would randomly start crying during various songs either because the song was so amazing or because I was just so happy to be there. :)

I should also mention that we annihilated a puzzle that Nana pulled out one night. We were on it like vultures, and between some work before dinner and some work after, it didn't stand a chance.

Shortly after our trip to Idaho, Josh and I moved into a new apartment. Our old one was a great starter, but we were ready to move on to something a little bigger and better. It was sad leaving the ward, especially for Josh (because he's naturally more social than I am!), and it is especially sad not living right next to Trevin and Kim. But we are pretty excited about our new place! And we have already experienced the excitement of having a mouse in our kitchen and then catching it in a mouse trap, so... yeah. Pretty fun, right? :P

I was originally planning on taking classes during Spring and Summer terms at BYU, but it ended up working out differently and now we're both just working full-time. It gets tiring, but I'm secretly (or maybe not so secretly) relieved to have a few months break from school and the stresses that come with it. It pushes my graduation date to June of next year instead of April, but I can deal with that. Right now we're just makin' the big bucks. ;) Recently at work, Josh got us a couple of tickets to a BYU Baseball game. It was actually really fun, and brought back childhood memories of going to Rangers games with my family. It was pretty chilly, but we stayed for the whole game. (Next time we'll bring a blanket!) We lost, but it was a good game!

I'd say we've had a pretty great start to the summer. We've been married a year as of May 4th (about two weeks ago), and I'm just loving it. Living with and being married to my best friend is the greatest gift I've ever been given, and we have so much fun together. I'm looking forward to what the next year will bring us!

~ Ashley

Why Did I Get Married?

This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour, which I am excited to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, click here!

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Why did I get married?

I don't mean that in a negative way, like "what was I thinking?" Rather, I am looking to share the reasons why I chose to get married.

Though marriage has always been a prominent part of every society, over time it has held less importance. People are putting off marriage for longer and longer, and divorce rates continue to go up. Now, I am in no way trying to indicate that anyone should get married by a certain age - or at all - if it's not right for the individual. I am also not trying to indicate that anyone who gets a divorce is making a bad choice; there are all kinds of circumstances a person could find themselves in, and it is very personal and up to the individuals. That said, I do feel that the general trends are due in part to an increasingly self-centered attitude.

And if I'm completely honest, the trends sometimes scare me. Nobody goes into marriage with the attitude that they are not going to make it. Everyone thinks that they are the exception, that their love will never be touched and life will be like a constant honeymoon. But things can still fall apart, leaving behind broken hearts, scarred feelings, and even psychological damage. Does that freak anyone else out?

So why did I get married?

Sure, I have always known that I wanted to get married. Having been raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, marriage holds a particular emphasis and is viewed as sacred. I am not ashamed of that. I believe that marriage is a sacred ordinance that is ordained of God. I believe that the family unit is the most important unit of society. I have always wanted to get married and have a family of my own. Yes, I was taught that way. But more importantly, I believe in it with all of my heart.

But it's about more than just believing in the idea of marriage.

When I was dating my husband Josh, I remember reaching a point in the relationship when I realized that if he had asked me to marry him right then, I would have said yes. Not just because he was super handsome and had a great laugh, even though both are true. :) It was because I knew that I would be happy with him. Like, really happy. Truly happy.

Josh is an amazing man. He is not perfect, and he would be the first to admit that. But he is perfect for me. He makes me laugh all the time. He has a sexy smile. He is smart and works hard. He is tender and caring. He is more generous than I have ever been. He is patient with me. He is gentle and comforting when I need it most. He is always trying to be better than he was the day before. He inspires me to be better than I was the day before. He is fun. He is silly. And he loves me for just being myself.

I know that I am still new to marriage. We have only been married a little over 8 months. But even at this point in our marriage, I have great faith. Just because our marriage is young doesn't mean that my views aren't as valid. The reasons why I got married were true in the earliest months and they will be true years from now.

I chose to marry my husband not only because I love him. He is there for me in a way that only he can be. He is my greatest friend and support. He brings a kind of happiness to my life that I never would have found on my own. And when there are disagreements or hurt feelings, he is the first to do everything he can to make things right, even if I'm just being irrational or emotional. He teaches me that the things that are most dear to us are worth fighting for.

I believe in marriages that can last. I believe in keeping marriage filled with love and laughter. I believe in looking at the face of the odds and the trends, and standing firm for what is most important in my life, even when it gets hard. I believe in fighting - together - against the things that will try to pull us apart.

That's why I got married.

And that's why I don't expect to just make it. I do expect to make it work.

~ Ashley

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The Proposal

As the first post of my new blog, I thought it would be only fitting to share the story of how Josh proposed to me. I know people love that stuff. Just to make sure we don't leave anything out, we've both taken the time to share our sides of the story. So here's how it went down.

My Version:

By Valentine's Day I was pretty sure Josh had the ring. I was aware of the possibility of being proposed to that night, and I don't think he planned to that night but the day ended up being really crazy anyway and that night we really just took it easy.

The next day I had a feeling it might be the day. Again, I was pretty sure he had the ring by this point. That morning, however, Josh had a moped accident and hurt his foot, so I didn't know how that would figure into whatever plans I thought he might have.

That night was pretty low-key, we just went to Cafe Rio for dinner and then went to Wal-Mart and Target, then headed home to watch a movie. As he was driving home, he asked if I wanted to take the scenic route home, which of course I was more than happy to do. I should've suspected him more than I did, but things felt so low-key to me that I was starting to think tonight wouldn't be the night. That, coupled with the fact that Josh had an injured foot and could barely get around or anything. So anyway, we take a detour home, and then on the way he said that his foot was really hurting and he had to pull over and maybe get out and walk a bit. So we pulled over - in the parking lot of the Provo Temple. I should've been alerted to this, but as we got out and walked a bit, I was just really concerned about him. He seemed to be in a lot of pain, and I was worried about him. As I'm insisting that I drive him home and turn to head to the car, he gets down on one knee. He said that he was really fine, and as he proposed to me, part of me was just thinking, "You're such a punk! You were really worrying me!" while most of me was just feeling so excited and happy. Even while he was proposing he stopped to say, "You know I could just be messing with you right now, right?" "JOSH, stop it!" But I was really happy. :) And of course the answer was YES.

His Version:

So, previously to Friday night I had this big plan of wanting to kind of have a better version of our Salt Lake date (at the end of last semester) where we would take the Front Runner downtown, maybe even have a meal on the Front Runner, go to City Creek Mall, maybe go for a carriage ride, and propose to her in front of the temple. But as I was going to work that morning, I had a scooter accident and injured my foot. So I got a ride home from somebody, and then I asked if she would take me to the doctor. We came back from the doctor and I just rested, and Ashley took care of me the whole day, which I really loved and appreciated and thought was really sweet. So then it became about 5:00 pm, and I still wanted to take her out to eat somewhere nice, and she kept insisting that we didn't have to do anything that night. But we decided to go out to Café Rio and had dinner there, and then as I was driving us back home 'cause we were just going to watch a movie or something, I asked if she wanted to take the scenic route home and she said, "Sure." So I decided to go past the temple and I got this brilliant idea that I could use my hurt foot as an excuse to pull over real quick in the parking lot in front of the temple. So then I said, "Ow, my foot's really hurting... I need to pull over real quick, I can't keep driving." Then Ashley was freaking out wondering if I was okay. So I pulled over and said I needed to get out of the car and maybe stretch my foot out for a little bit. After that, she offered to drive home so I said, "Yeah, you can drive home." I gave her the keys and as she started walking to the car I got down on one knee and said, "Wait," and she turned around. Then I popped out the ring and asked Ashley to marry me. (I did stumble with the jewelry box and broke it, which was kind of embarrassing.) She was kind of frustrated because I had tricked her into thinking that I was hurting when I really wasn't, but she said yes. And we kissed and hugged in front of the temple.

The ring that changed everything

~Ashley