Hiking the Y: An Honest Account

Josh's little brother Nicholas is visiting from Indiana and has been staying with us for the past few days. One of the things he wanted to do with us was to hike up to the Y on the mountain near BYU. I had never done it before and it's one of those things that if you're at BYU, you're almost expected to do it at some point, so I was all for it. I obviously didn't know what I was getting myself into.

I've gone hiking before, but nothing very extreme, all fairly mild hikes. And that's always been more than enough for me. But as I got up early this morning to get ready to hike the Y (although in a tired stupor I questioned whether it was worth it to get up this early on a Saturday), I was looking forward to a new experience and a new challenge. And a challenge I got.

Y Mountain (this picture was not taken by me, I found it online)

Now just a quick bit of background, I've never been super outdoorsy or athletic. I enjoy nature, but I mostly stay in the comfort of my own home. And while I've periodically been involved in activities like dance or marching band that definitely required physical exertion, I've never really been what you would call 'fit' or 'in shape'. Yeah, I've always been relatively thin, but being thin and being in shape are two completely different things. Lately though, I've been making more of an effort - emphasis on the effort part - to get myself in shape and in good health. I've realized how important it is to me to take care of my body. So, against my own rational judgement, I've been getting up extra early most days of the week before going to school so that I can go running, either with Josh, with my best friend Jessica (who is really the one who got me started), or just on my own. And let me tell you - it's been HARD. I'm fairly certain that I have something referred to as exercise- or sports-induced asthma. And I'm not just saying that sarcastically to try to make a point about how out of shape I am. I really struggle with it. It makes exercising especially difficult and strenuous for me. Anyway, I've also been walking to and from school every day for the past month, and part of that walk involves climbing 140+ stairs. Every. Day. Sometimes multiple times a day. And it hasn't gotten any easier.

So that brings me back to this morning. The three of us, plus Josh's friend Sam (who also gave us a ride there), set off on the trail. I knew it would be no walk in the park, but I was not prepared for the toll it would take on me. I felt so bad making them stop and wait for me every five minutes or so of hiking so that I could catch my breath. Sometimes I'm sure it was less than that. It was me versus the mountain, and for most of the hike, the mountain was winning.

Maybe I overreacted, but I started alternating between bitter and frustrated to feeling sorry for myself. I had been trying so hard lately to take care of myself, but you would never know it. I was the only one in the group, heck, the only one on the trail, that was struggling this much. It's normal to get tired out while hiking the Y, but my exhaustion was beyond the normal threshold. After just a few feet of walking, it seemed, I was almost completely out of breath. And then I'd look around and see everyone else having a much easier time than I was. Little kids, even old people. It seemed so unfair. Why did I have to work so hard for something that other people could attain so much easier if they put forth even half the effort that I had to? I want it so bad. And so many other people just don't seem to care. In the words of Owen Wilson in Shanghai Noon, "the justice system is all screwed up". I even reached the point (which, honestly, it didn't take me long to get to this point), when I sincerely hoped that I would either throw up or pass out, because then I would feel like I was justified in how difficult this hike was for me. Is that sad or what?

But everyone - especially Josh - was really patient with me and my frequent breaks to catch my breath and give my weary legs a brief reprieve. As we got further and further my body protested more and more, and I was constantly sending manual override to my legs, who insisted on stopping and just shutting down for a good long while, so that I could keep trudging up the mountain.

And finally, what seemed like an eternity after we started the journey, we made it to the top. Glory and hallelujah! I was just so relieved that finally, finally, we made it. It was done. I did it. And of course the best part of it all was the view. It was beautiful.

The view from the Y

Sam, Nicholas, Josh, and me

Hiking up Y Mountain was a great experience and I'm glad that I've finally done it after all these years of being here at BYU, but it was NOT easy. I really had to fight for it. Will I do it again? Maybe. But I know that I will keep trying. Keep trying to take care of myself. My body is a precious gift from God, and I want to treat it as such. As hard as it is for me to exercise, I will keep working. It may not ever really get easy, given the way that I am. And maybe that really isn't fair. But I am blessed in so many other ways, I will play with the cards that I have been dealt.

Besides, how much is something really worth to you if you don't have to work for it?

~ Ashley